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In kindergarten, I had a best friend that looked different from me. She was absolutely beautiful. Her complexion was lighter than mine, and she had the most lustrous black curly hair. You know, the hair we deem in the black community as “good hair.”
Daily as I attended school, I gazed at her wishing my skin was caramel like hers. I looked at her hair with googly eyes wondering why my hair could not be just a little bit softer and a little less kinky.
Even at such a tender age, somehow I learned how to compare myself to her. I can not pinpoint exactly where it all started, but I do know the comparison game did not fade away with age.
Comparing yourself to others is a silent demon many of us face. If we are going to keep it real, most people would be embarrassed to admit they are struggling in this area. This makes the comparison trap all the more dangerous.
It’s time to address the elephant in the room and share the uncensored truth about comparing yourself to others.
Comparison Produces Jealousy
Social media has been one of the greatest resources of our generation. I personally relish in the fact that I can filter my imperfections away, vent with the use of my fingertips, and have access to friends and family within seconds.
This close proximity to our friends has made life convenient, but just like most things in life, it came at a cost. Social media has somehow become a breeding ground for jealousy, particularly in millennials.
Statistics have shown, two of five social media users find themselves feeling jealous after comparing themselves to friends on social media. Did you read that slowly? After comparing!
The by-product of comparing yourself to others more often than not is jealousy. Think about a moment you found yourself jealous of someone. Surely you took time to observe that person’s life, and somehow you ended up down the rabbit hole of wishing you possessed something this person had.
Jealousy As A Cancer
While these subtle thoughts of jealousy may seem harmless at the onset, there is a reason God’s word likens jealousy to a cancer (Proverbs 14:30).
Just like a cancer, jealousy slowly eats away at its victim, the individual carrying that jealousy. This happens because jealousy subtly diminishes our ability to love the person we are feeling jealous of in a pure form.
For instance, you may have been friends with a person for a long time. Naturally, there was love and admiration. However, as time went by, something changed, and jealousy crept in. Before you knew it, you gained a distorted view of this person you love. Various thoughts became a common theme in your mind space.
- She thinks she is better than me
- Why is it always about her
- This girl loves attention
You see, jealousy has gotten in the way of you loving this person purely.
How can we love our neighbors as ourselves if we want to be our neighbors rather ourselves?
Not only does jealousy eat away at the individual that hosts it. It also has the ability to grow exponentially, just as cancer does. Jealousy does not just sit at the door of our hearts. It brings in a few un-welcomed guests. The friends of jealousy are low self-worth, constant mind battles, and strife.
More plainly put, jealousy keeps company with all kinds of drama and evil.
For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
-James 3:16 (NLT)
No matter how harmless it may seem, it is crucial to resist the temptation of comparing yourself to others.
Comparison Is A Distraction
I know it’s an old saying that we have heard a thousand times, but you know what? I’m going to say it anyway. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Before being a homeowner and actually having to maintain a lawn of my own, I could never truly understand the weight of that statement. Honey! Maintaining a lawn costs money, time, and energy. Of course, someone else’s lawn will look greener to someone that does not have to pay the water bill.
Rather than being distracted by comparison and gazing at my neighbors’ lawn, I can make one of these two decisions.
- I can sit down and complain about my neighbor’s lawn all day. I can grumble at the way it is perfectly manicured and without weeds. OR
- I can spend that same time and energy focusing on making my lawn and make it the best that it can be. I can research, plan, and strategize on how to get my yard looking spank-a-docious.
Neither decision will affect my neighbor’s lawn, but one of those decisions can give me a lawn that’s popping.
I’m going to say the same to you. Don’t fall into the distraction of comparing yourself to others. Take a few moments to consider how you can build towards being a better version of yourself.
God wants your undivided attention. He is eager to lead your life, speak to you, and guide you towards fulfilling the plans and purpose He has designated for you.
The Root Of Comparison
Post-Christianity, I finally get it. I understand why, as a child, I could not embrace my brown skin and my thick kinky coils. The answer is I simply did not know who I was. Unbeknownst to me, I was dealing with identity issues in its infancy stage.
While jealousy is a fruit of comparing yourself to others, at the root of comparison is identity issues.
If I had understood my identity and who I am in Christ, I would know God made me the way that I am for a reason. I could rest in the fact that God chose my skin, hair, voice, gifts, talents, and abilities strategically. God did not make any mistakes while He was in the lab cooking me up.
Sis, I’m here to tell you dealing with identity issues is nothing to feel embarrassed about. No one is born knowing who they are. It must be taught, learned, and nurtured.
No matter how far off you may feel, my message to you is this.
You can experience healing, discover your true identity, and stop comparing yourself to others.
How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
If you have found yourself comparing yourself to others more than you have been celebrating them, I’ve got some good news for you. There are some practical steps you can take towards fighting back against the comparison trap.
Just as with anything else in life, with consistency and commitment, you will be able to see progress and results.
Get To Know God & Yourself
In my short life, I have gotten to know many people. Even in all of this, I have never gotten to know someone that ultimately caused me to get to know myself better.
This is the uniqueness of God.
The most beautiful part about getting to know God is that ultimately, it leads to us genuinely knowing ourselves. The closer you get to God is, the closer you get to knowing who you are.
Let me break this down a little further.
God created each and every last human on earth in His image and likeness. In our own ways, we are a reflection of God.
By building a relationship with God and getting to know Him, He begins to reveal who we really are. The person we were always designed to be before we got filled with the ideas and thoughts of this world.
The more that God reveals Himself to us, the more we are able to see who we are meant to be.
If you feel completely lost on how, the perfect place to start is purchasing a dope Bible like this one and reading God’s word daily.
Those pages present the perfect opportunity to get to know the heart of God. Not who people say He is, but the true heart of God.
Remember what I said earlier. Progress comes through consistency and commitment.
Renew Your Heart
Now that you have invited God in to reveal Himself to you, it’s time to deal with those heart issues.
Believe it or not, whatever we do in our lives begins in our hearts. Jealousy starts in the heart (Mark 7:21 -24). Comparing yourself starts in the heart. Everything starts in the heart.
In order to truly rid ourselves of the actions we take outwardly, we must ask God to help us to renew our minds and hearts.
Pray about it daily, and ask God to reveal the junk that has gotten into your heart.
Write out a few scriptures about who you are in Christ and read it out loud daily.
As you do this daily, you are renewing your heart, mind, and thoughts on this particular matter.
When you truly believe in your heart you are fearfully and wonderfully made, there is no need to compare yourself to anyone else.
Pray For Those You Are Comparing Yourself To
My final tip for how to stop comparing yourself to others is to pray for that person you are coveting.
To be honest, it is difficult to hate on someone you are praying for.
I’m going to be honest, at first it may feel awkward, but keep praying. Ask God to bless that person. To bring that person closer to Him. To show His love and favor towards them.
It may feel awkward at first, but in those moments, as you pray for someone else, healing will be initiated in your own heart.
There you have it, the uncensored truth about comparing yourself to others. We’ve covered the root of comparison, the fruit of comparison, and how you can swat the comparison bug away anytime it tries to come biting.
I pray that you feel encouraged and are ready to be all that God created you to be fearlessly.
Until Next Time.
Be Strong, Be Courageous, Serve God Wholeheartedly.
Gilberta Thompson
