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“I never thought this would be my story.” These were the words my heart whispered in agony to God. Emotionally, I was reeling from a reality I could not fathom was mine. Like any person, I had expectations of my life. More specifically expectations of building a family the moment I was ready. What felt like in the wink of an eye, I was faced with one of thUnexpected Challenges In Life e most unexpected challenges in life. Although I was cradled with disappointment and pain, I knew that I could not stay there.
- I had to learn how to function despite my grief.
- I had to soothe the heart that felt like it was ripped out of my chest.
- I had to figure out how to navigate the unexpected challenge and in the midst of turmoil find peace.
While my feelings sometimes beg to differ, I know I am not the only person who has faced unexpected challenges in life. Each person will experience unique storms never envisioned.
- For some, it is the sudden loss of a loved one,
- For others its financial disparity,
- For another, it’s relational betrayal,
For me, it was the struggle of fertility.
In the midst of turmoil, there is this truth. You can emerge from life’s challenges stronger, better, and dare I say it, restored. I wholeheartedly believe, overcoming unexpected challenges is possible through a series of decisive actions which can lead to peace.
These steps include rest, regaining strength, strategy, execution, and reflection.
Rest
Last year, I underwent a minimally invasive surgery. Surgery, no matter how minimally invasive, introduces trauma to the body. Naturally, the doctor recommended bed rest to allow my body to heal. Despite this recommendation, I had a deep desire to experience normalcy. I was in a foreign country and I felt like I needed to move around in freedom, not stuck in some hospital bed. As soon as I was discharged from the hospital, rather than stay on bed rest, I decided to do just that — site see. I learned immediately, that was a horrible idea.
As I attempted to walk in haste, to my surprise, I was moving at a turtles pace. Astounded, I watched as others sped past me … walking. As much as I attempted to forge ahead with more speed, I simply could not walk at the pace I was accustomed to. The more I attempted, the more pain was introduced to my body… For the first time in my life, I understood the fragility of the human anatomy. Despite my strong will, my body was impacted, traumatized, and became overly sensitive to pain. The same is true when recovering from emotional trauma.
Emotional trauma impacts us more than we recognize. After experiencing emotional trauma, it is tempting to want to continue life as usual. After all, we all have desires, obligations, and connections to sustain. However, when a wound is still fresh and raw, we become overly sensitive to triggers, open to offenses, and often lack the ability to discern intent from action. In other words, we “feel” more than we normally would.
For instance, a woman who has experienced a miscarriage will be triggered at the sight of anything that reminds her of this loss. She may find offense in online content displaying miscarriages or be sensitive to good news such as a person celebrating pregnancy/birth. The intent of the persons around her is not to hurt her, however, while experiencing emotional trauma it can be difficult to separate intent from actions. In these instances, rest and healing are the prescribed medicines.
Rest is essential to stabilize your emotions. When unexpected challenges in life hit, it is important to take time to soothe and acknowledge your reeling emotions. According to Forbes, rest and unplugging promotes mental health, reduces stress, and improves moods. Taking a step back in the midst of life’s unexpected challenges does not mean you are weak or unproductive, but rather it simply means you are human.
For a time,
- You may need to reduce extracurricular activities.
- You may need to take a few minutes or hours alone daily.
- You may not be able to have as many conversations as you are used to.
- You may not be able to be the life of the party and attend every social gathering.
- You may need a social media break.
Mentally, relieve yourself of the pressure to keep up appearances and take time to focus on yourself.
For some, this may take one day. For another, it may take a few weeks. The more critical the wound, the more time you may need. Nonetheless, the length of time is not as important as taking a moment to process the emotional trauma you did not see coming.
Regain Strength
There was a moment in my life when I found myself in a deep pit emotionally. Of course, on the heels of an unexpected challenge in life. Sadness filled me and depressing feelings became frequent visitors. I was clueless about how to climb out of this pit because everything I tried failed me. My strength was depleted. I was weak. Laying in a pool of tears, drowning in pain, I begged God. I said, “I don’t have the strength to get out of this pit, but I have enough strength to lift my hands to you and say help me.” I did not have all the answers but at the very least I knew God does His best work in my weakness.
In my dark pit, I did not need to find strength. I needed to find God and learn to trust Him. Strength would be a by-product.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 2 : 9-10
Seeking & trusting God is instrumental to regaining strength in the midst of traumatic events. Traumatic events often come with boulders attached. Boulders of worry, hopelessness, discouragement, depression, anxiety, and weariness to name a few. If not careful, before you realize it, your strength will be used to carry these boulders rather than healing. Nevertheless, God desires to take these heavy boulders away from you so that you can heal. Rather than carrying the weight of worrying about situations we can not change, we can make an intentional decision to give our concerns, fears, and pain to God who is more than able to carry it.
Seeking & trusting God while giving these boulders to Him is not automatic. It requires intentionality and participation. Some practical steps you can take are:
- Talk to God about the situation. Imagine God is sitting next to you. Share your heart with Him. Ask Him to help you to trust Him and allow Him to work in the areas you can not control. Ask Him to be your strength in weakness.
- Speak against worry and negative thoughts. In fact, declare words of hope about your situation. When worry fills your heart, speak out loud, “I will not worry but rather I will trust God.”
- Challenge yourself to not look at your own ability, but rather at God’s ability. Accept that this unexpected challenge is beyond your control. You can not change your situation. You can not heal yourself. You can not take your pain away. You are not God. However, God can do all of the above and more than you can ever ask or think. Remind yourself of this truth.
Initially, seeking & trusting God can seem mundane and even ineffective. However, as you continue to practice seeking Him and giving your weaknesses to him, strength will come. Supernaturally, God will give you His strength and take your burdens away.
Strategize
“When peace like a river attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say. It is well, it is well with my soul”
These lyrics may sound familiar because it is from a popular old hymn sung in congregations all across the world. The old hymn “It is well with my soul” was birthed from a man who experienced inconceivable tragedies. In a short span of time, Horatio Spafford became no stranger to the unexpected challenges in life.
Horatio Spafford was a businessman, lawyer, husband, and father. In 1871, Mr. Spafford lost a fortune in a Chicago Fire. Soon after, his 4-year-old son died of scarlet fever. In 1873, the remaining Spafford family of 6 planned to voyage from the US to Europe on vacation. After these great tragedies, I’m certain a period of rest was overdue.
Due to unplanned business arising, Mr. Spafford had to remain in Chicago while his wife and 4 daughters proceeded. After a few days of travel, the vessel with Horatio’s entire immediate family collided with another vessel and sank. His wife, Anna Spafford, survived. However, their 4 daughters all died. This grief-stricken journey led Mr. Spafford to compose one of the greatest hymns of all time. No doubt, a heavy price to pay.
After experiencing the most painful experience of his life, Horatio Spafford made a bold but difficult decision. Rather than curse God and become consumed by his grief, he used an effective strategy to heal ….. writing.
Deep grief and loss, of any kind, lead us down a path of wallowing in sorrow. To be honest, it’s tempting to want to wallow forever. While it is important to give yourself time to rest and be strengthened, there is also a time to come out of this dark place by developing and executing strategies to foster healing.
For everything, there is a season a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
Let’s think of this practically.
There are many strategies to promote emotional healing, however, each person is unique. Our uniqueness causes God to lead us in different directions of healing. You can find a strategy specifically for you.
Here are a few questions to help you to identify what strategically moving forward may look like for you. Ask yourself:
- While resting and strengthening, did you get an impression in your heart?
- Did an idea for moving forward suddenly pop into your head?
- As the church folks love to say.. did something drop in your spirit?
- Did you research activities that have been proven to assist with healing?
The answers you felt or stumbled upon may sound like this:
- Seeking therapy
- Joining a support group or community
- Sharing with a trusted friend
- Journaling
- Meditating on God’s word
- Exercising or taking long walks
- Moving physically to another space, city, or country
More than likely, the impression, thought, or idea may have been so subtle, you missed it. Nonetheless, it is important to identify the best strategy for you.
Execute
Statistics have shown that 20% of the adult population are chronic procrastinators. That is high! That means for every room containing 10 people, at least 2 of them procrastinate….excessively. I know this should go without saying, but in case you are a part of that number, this is your sign to execute the strategies you have identified.
One of the greatest inhibitors of taking action is our feelings. More than anyone, I understand not wanting to move forward because it just feels hard. Truly, I empathize with you. Still, the longer you live, you come to realize that feelings are terrible leaders. They are indecisive, overbearing, and lack all sense of wisdom. Do not allow your feelings of sadness, disappointment, and discouragement to lead your life. Make a habit of acknowledging them, but still implement what you know is the best decision for you. There is no quick trick to doing this other than simply…executing.
Feelings of relief usually follow our actions and not the other way around.
Again….
- Book the therapy appointment
- Set up the exercise regimen
- Build a habit of prayer and journaling
Whatever it is, do what you need to do to experience healing despite how you feel.
Reflection
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.
-Steve Jobs
Lately, I’ve been dipping my pinky toe into a new arena, the financial markets. For the past 9 + months, I’ve spent a few minutes just about every day looking at charts. Every day I view the charts, I would reflect on the price action of a commodity. If the price went up, I would think, “Man I should have bought it at that price level. I could have made a profit!” If the price went down, I would think, “Thank God I held on to my cash because I would have lost money.” In both scenarios, two lessons are evident:
- Hindsight is always 20/20
- Lessons can be learned in hindsight
Still, hindsight alone does not provide clarity and wisdom. It is through actively reflecting and dissecting our past experiences clarity and wisdom are obtained. Imagine if each morning I looked at the charts without taking time to reflect on what happened the previous day. I would not gain clarity and I would learn nothing from the previous day. It is up to me to use the information presented to me to reflect. When you choose to reflect on what has occurred, clarity and wisdom will propel you toward growth.
Reflection often leads to growth because you are able to:
- Identify weaknesses and make a conscious decision to grow stronger in those areas
- Make better decisions based on past mistakes and actively move forward
- Obtain a stronger awareness of who you are
- Help others who are also experiencing similar circumstances
Ins short, Reflection is pivotal.
You may know what you experienced but reflection is how you grow through your experience.
While we can not control the unexpected blows of life, we can certainly control how we react to them. We can make one of two decisions. Allow our heartache to break us or make a conscious decision to rest, regain strength, strategize, execute, and reflect.
I know it’s tough, but I am right here in the ring fighting with you.
If you are struggling with an unexpected blow in life right now and you just want to chat or someone to pray for you, know that I am always a comment or email away.
Until next time,
Be Strong, Be Courageous, Serve God Wholeheartedly.
P.S. I promise you, I did not intend for this blog to be this long, but it’s been a long time and I missed you.
P.S.S If you want to know more about my story grab a copy of my book, “I’m 25, Now What?” here.
