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Jesus! The perfect man. One that loves every human unconditionally. The One that never did anything remotely evil in His life….like ever. I’m almost embarrassed to say that even in all of this perfection, I backslid, lots of times. You read that correctly. I left Jesus.
Come to think about it, reading that out loud sounds like an oxymoron, right? Who does that? Who leaves the best thing that has ever happened to them? As silly as it sounds, unfortunately…I’m not alone.
According to the Pew Center, since 2009, Christians are declining in absolute numbers in the U.S.
I’ll admit, I do not have all the reasons as to why such a large group of people has left the church or Jesus, but here are some reasons of my own.
I Was Afraid To Surrender My Life Fully
I gave my life to Jesus for the first time in a dainty two-bedroom apartment. Not a church or a revival service, but some stranger’s house. That night, with butterflies in my tummy and nerves that could make a grown woman cry, I truly surrendered. Well, sort of…
Even though my emotions ran wild, somehow, I felt a sense of peace. You can get the details on that entire journey in my book, here.
Deep within my heart, I just knew that I made the right decision, that is until I got home.
Days and weeks flew by, but gradually, my surrender was slipping away. In other words, there were parts of my life; I decided I needed to regain control. Although I desired to do this “Jesus” thing, giving God every area of my life felt scary!!!
I thought, “Do I really have to give up my boo thang, my friendships, my social life?” I was not bold enough to say it out loud. Therefore I did what most people would do. I gave God portions of my life.
I bargained with Jesus *facepalm* It went a little something like this, “I’ll stop listening to rap music, but I’m keeping my boyfriend”.. Needless to say, that didn’t end well. Hence the backsliding began.
I Had Serious Trust Issues
Have you ever seen a couple with trust issues? It’s a heartbreaking cycle to witness or even worst experience. A lack of trust causes a person to question every action that another person takes. Those types of relationships are usually complete train wrecks.
My relationship with God was no different. I had trust issues with the all-knowing, all-powerful Creator of everything, including me. I did not believe that God could lead my life better than I can.
I struggled with the thought that God could pick a better boyfriend, career path, or friendship for me. You know what, I will call it what it is, Faith Issues. I simply did not have enough faith to believe beyond my circumstances.
I became obsessively focused on what my circumstances looked like at the moment. I trusted what was directly in front of me, a measly piece of the puzzle, rather than trusting a God that knows the complete picture.
I could not see the importance of being obedient to God first. Trusting God fully felt unattainable.
I Lost Interest
Permission to unload a truth bomb? I loved Jesus, like for realz! But I thought being a young Christian was boring. There… I said it.
I was used to going out, drinking, partying, all that “fun” stuff. Now that I’m a Christian, what will I do for fun? I made up my mind that reading the Bible, worshiping, and talking to God was boring. All of this before I ever gave our relationship a real chance to grow.
Ultimately, I read my Bible less, prayed less, and continued in relationships that were drawing me further from Christ. I was officially on my journey as a backslider.
Why I Came Back
I Realized God Knew Best
Trying to lead my own life led to tons of mistakes. Too many to list on this blog post. I learned the hard way that God was right all along, and I was wrong. He knew best.
The pains of my mistakes led me to understand I was only capable of making decisions for my present situation. Even that did not go so well a lot of the time.
Instead, God knew my entire future. He was trying to make decisions that may hurt now but benefit me later.
For any of us to experience and fulfill God’s perfect plan for our lives, we must come to the understanding that God knows best. Not only that, but He also wants to protect us from everything that will try to harm us.
Envision a door being left cracked open. It’s hard to protect a house with a cracked door because although the crack appears small, many areas can distort God’s perfect plan and purpose for our lives. When we presume to know best and only surrender portions of our lives to God, the door is left cracked open. We did not allow God to secure it completely.
Feelings and Desires are Fleeting
The thing about interest and desires are they are not set in stone. A person that partied like an animal at 18 will likely have no interest in doing so at 35. Naturally, people evolve and change. As you begin to walk with Christ, start reading your Bible, praying, fasting, then your desires will begin to shift.
What was perceived as“fun” will begin to be distasteful to you may seem impossible, but think of it like this.
Have you ever spent extended amounts of time with a person? Eventually, you end up watching the same TV shows, listening to the same music, or hanging out in the same places. Your interest shifts, then your desires follow. The same thing happens with God. The more time you spend with Him, the more you will be like Him and ENJOY doing it.
Many years later, I look back on those times (plural) I left Jesus and backslid. I can say without a doubt; it was the greatest mistake I could have made. I’m grateful in God-like fashion. He turned that mess into a message. What I thought was impossible has now become possible, and I am NEVER leaving Jesus again.
I’ve now dedicated my life to sharing my story and providing resources so that others will not fall into the same trap.
I’m praying for you!
Until Next Time…
Be Strong. Be Courageous. Serve God Wholeheartedly
Gilberta Thompson
